Duan.... Seronok dilancap

Lately selalu sangat aku teringat kenang-kenangan lama. Nak kata tua, I'm not that old pun. I am 30 years old. Not old. Even for some people, masa ni lah masa keemasan, masa kemuncak...meliar tak ingat dunia. Bertukar lelaki seperti tukar baju.

Anyway..Duan...

Nama tak handsome mana pun. Tapi dia antara lalaki yang memainkan peranan penting terhadap siapa aku sekarang.

Aku dah cerita macam mana masa aku kecik, aku selalu ditangkap di masjid, dan dilancapkan beramai-ramai. Dari mulanya aku melawan, aku jadi seronok, dan aku berpura-pura melawan bila ditangkap, padahal aku suka.

Dengan Duan, it was a different story. Aku dibesarkan bukan di kawasan bandar. At that time rumah my neighbour agak tinggi dari tanah. rumah yang ada tiang tu. So kat bawah rumah ada buaian yang dibuat daripada guni. That was a favourite spot for bebudak lepaking night time. Especially kaki hisap rokok aka budak nakal. Mind you, I'm not a budak nakal. But sometime i like lingering around them. Dah la sikit kawan kan..

So it happened. Masa tu Duan tengah lepak-lepak kat buaian guni tu. Aku datang dan dia offer supaya aku baring sekali dengan. The buaian guni tu tak la besar mana.Cukup2 untuk memuatkan dua orang. Tu pun akan jadi sendat. MAsa tu dalam pukul 8 malam kot. And we were not alone. Ada lagi buaian lain, dgn bebudak lain kepak-lepak.

Bila dah naik berdua, tangan dia tersentuh la my dick. Memula dia tarik. Lepas tu aku sengaja menggerakkan badan aku supaya my dick tersentuh lagi tangan dia. And for the first time, without the need to pretend kena tangkap, or pretend tido, aku dilancapkan.

Dua tanya, “ko nak aku pegang ke?”

Aku hanya diam, tanpa mengalihkan badan aku. Dan Duan pun terus meramas dan melancapkan aku. Hmm…I don’t remember I cum that time. Yes, I didn’t. Masa tu tak pancut pun dah seronok gila bila kote dilancapkan. Budak-budak lain tak perasan as gelap. We hardly see each other’s faces kat bawah rumah tu. Anf it didn’t happen once. Banyak kali jugak la. Sampai la aku masuk boarding school, terus tak bertegur sapa with those bebudak nakal.

If you ever wonder, Duan is now married with children.

The same question haunted me. Those people who melancapkan aku dulu, Duan…do they remember what happened? If they do…how do they actually see me now?

As a gay?

Or they don’t even remember. As for them what happened is another naughty action they did zaman kanak-kanak. Without realizing the impact it had on me…

Sigh.

Sex Terpaksa (with a guy yang sangat tak taste)

Apa yg asyiknya gay or plu mating ritual ?

Sama ke with straight people mating ritual?

It's totally different my dear. Gay plu amting ritual sometimes could be so freaking damn complicated. But the objectives obviously clear..to get yourself laid, although some gay plu outside there tends to be freaking sista saying they don't practise sex on the first date. Mereka yang rugi :)

Anyway, aku rindukan all the mating ritual...

Berkenalan, texting (showing that konon-konon concern la..) jumpa…lepak2 makan minum (altho sbenarnya kalau taste dah menggeletar kepala atas bawah nak baham bawak balik rumah). You may not realize it, but those ritual that makes gay plu mating is exciting. Unlike if yo have been together for many years…bila nak mating jer..terus main. Tak add the excitement jeling-jeling masa keluar makan, pretending concern, evaluating taste ke tak taste, or taste gile sampai terkeluar air mazi semua…

Tapi tu la kan, once you are in a stable relationship eventough sesekali teringin nak makan ikan baru…terasa malas jugak nak keluar and repeat all those gay plu mating rituals. Nak travel pergi jumpa…and facing the risk that guy tak taste mana pun. Remember, pictures have deceiving power. Dalam picture kemain taste, gorgeous, sekali dah jumpa…haru, hazab! Then how?

Kalau real live terlalu haru…mula la rasa menyesal. Carik idea mcm mana nak lari. My case, sometime kalau malas travel jumpa kat luar I suruh datang rumah. Of which…lagi high risk. Tapi tu la kan..kalau air dah penoh kat kepala, risk ke tak risk semua dah campak ke tepi. Inviting stranger (kononnya taste la tengok picture) to your place is more troublesome and risky. Especially kalau turned out real life, memang hazab. Tu belum lagi if bernasib malang, jatuh ditimba tangga. Dah la tak taste, kena rogol...and then kena rompak! Mind you..this is true stoy. My freind pernah kena rogol (main secara paksa), then dirompak habis semua laptop and duit! 

When you are inviting stranger to your place, bila tak taste, nak halau pun susah… Especially myself. I’m a type of person yg susah nk jadi biadap ni. To the extent, sekali tu…terpaksa la main sambil pejam mata, imagine yangg indah-indah. That guy dah la buncit gila in real life. Dalam picture nampak stocy, and tak buncit…sekali aduhai….hazab. That  was the worst experience ever. Since that guy tu pun tak nak balik…the only way to halau him is to main cepat-cepat, get it done soonest as possible. So main lah…masa baring atas badan dia terasa perut jer…euwww…Seriously EUWWW!!!

Since that incident, whernever terasa nak makan ikan baru... I will make sure dlm picture tak stocky, and of cos tak gemuk or buncit. And I will make it crystal clear I don’t like fat, stocky, buncit people… 

In conclusion.... in a desperate situation... I can have sex with my eyes close J

Sex with your ex...

So I did it in Ramadahan...

So I did it despite of myself having a boyfriend, and committed to the relationship we have...

So I did it although I knew he's (my ex, wait..or is it my ex or scandal?) also in a relationship...

Life as a Malay, muslim plu is not as gayish as gay life. Hadek- hadek yang baru nak naik tu, kalau mengimpikan dunia yang meriah menjadi gay melayu islam, stop it. It is not as easy, as merry-merryish as you think. For an example, I have a boyfriend. We have been together like...4 years?

But, being lelaki...it's really hard to walk the same road without once in a while diverted here and there checking wild flowers. It's really hard to makan ikan yang serupa everyday, every month, every year. Once in a while, teringin nak makan ikan yang berbeza, once in a while...terjala ikan muda, ikan tua yang mengancam.... 

So I pun terjebak again. In a Ramadhan month, with my ex (or is it my ex-scandal?)

I think scandal kot...we never really committed ourself to a relationship. Although as far as I remember, he tried to, but I kept it clear, told him clearly.... I'm not into any kinda relationship with him, that it was merely just for fun. TnG kinda material.

I'm not sure about you, but I don't mind having sex with my exes, or with my ex-scandals. hahaha... sometime it's fun to do that. 

The only thing that I hate, is the feeling after dah puas main semua.... as I said, I love my boyfriend. Knowing that I'm berselingkuh to him, making me feel guilty. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart... it hurts me thinking of him everytime dah puas menjamah tubuh jantan lain. Sigh. Tapi dah lepas puas la... before or tengah main tak terfikir pulak.

Well, a man will always be a man. Sedangkan laki-bini pun banyak kes laki makan luar. inikan pulak laki-laki.

A friend of mine, he's already in a relationship for about 10 fucking years! and...he has experienced all kinda relationship throughout that 10 fucking years. Open relationship....close relationship...sebelah only open, close tapi berselingkuh, bermadu 2, bermadu tiga....you name it. At the end of the day...they still together...

Please don't get me wrong. I don't want to be in the same situation like him or making him my role model (crazy ass!!). I am trying hard to be a loyal boyfriend. As for my boyfriend, I am confident I am the only one that he's been sleeping with...Tapi tu lah...keep on trying, but tetap lah jugak gagal...

So many men, too little time.

Dem it.